For What It's Worth

"Stop! Hey, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's going down." (Stephen Stills)

As a child of the sixties, I still hear the sound of revolution in the acts of deviance that define my Leather. Leather is about breaking rules, pushing boundaries, venturing outside of the group. Like the activists of my adolescence, I do not measure myself by the meter of the status quo but by the clarion call of my own heart.

Leather requires that I must never settle comfortably as a member of the group. Popularity is a cancer, eating away at the foundation of the training I received as a Leatherboy. For this reason, I have avoided titles for almost twenty years. Until this year, that is.

Halfway through my title year, I find I have little patience for bullshit. Today I stage a new revolution and encourage you to do the same.

Don't give a FUCK about those who enter our Tribe carrying with them the same bad manners and rumor mongering ways as those in the mainstream. Shun them as our Elders did. Do not join in the small talk of politics and gossip. To quote one of the Temple rules that have been handed down in Zen for centuries, "Keep the stopper in the bottle!"

When I play, I see trust in the eyes of the boy. I work his body, allowing My energy to remove any societal barriers that might stand between himself and My own demons. I allow him to see deep within Me and do not flinch when he looks back in terror and confusion. Whether with rope or with fear, I have bound him. And when he finally opens himself to Me without compromise, this is Leather. Without requesting it, I receive the boy's gift. I receive it with honor.

First and foremost, W/we are M/men of honor. Without it, we flounder in the values of the mainstream.

The Politics of Watersports

From a conversation about building community-

Me: Many sirs seem to spend a great deal of time in competition, lifting their legs against trees to mark their territory.

Aubrey: Personally, I would rather piss on a boy!

Unlocking the boy

With My collar fastened tightly around his neck and his hands bound tightly behind his back, the handsome submissive watches Me intently. he knows that I intend to push him to his limit, then beyond. he has watched Me as I played with others earlier in the weekend. "You are a hard SM Top, Sir," he remarks.

With electrodes fastened to his cock and balls, I begin. "Let Me feel the pain through your open mouth," I admonish. And I kiss him hard. he yields by opening his mouth, his tongue probing quickly into My own.

I turn on the Tens unit and begin to adjust the juice with My right hand. I place My left hand behind his head and force him to kiss My opened mouthed even harder. I do not shy away from the passion that I feel for him. An instinctual feeling that comes from a beastial center.

I turn the Tens dial and feel the tension in his body increase. his tongue moves wildly within My mouth and I return with tongue thrusts of My own. he succombs by opening his mouth wider and groaning. he strains against the rope, making his beautifully orbed biceps stand out.

"Good boy!" I growl quietly as I draw My mouth away and turn down the juice.

he breathes hard now and looks at Me. The lines on his temples smooth. I can tell that he, too, has unlocked the passion deep within himself. Nothing turns Me on more than seeing an intelligent boy surrender to instinct during play. he is helpless.

I turn up the juice and begin again. Open mouths, tongues, and I hold him against Me. he is a generous boy and relishes My attention by searching My mouth with his tongue, thrusting in and out like an erect cock. By sharing the gnosis of his journey toward the pain, he drives Me forward. I continue cycling the electricity and bask in the strength of O/our passion.

After 40 minutes I turn the Tens unit off and draw back slightly. he gazes at Me a vulnerable and trusting boy. "I want You to train Me to take more pain," he says. "I want to serve you and make you proud of Me. I want to be your pain pig."

Moments later W/we collapse on the bed. he is still hard. I place his handsome head on My chest. the boy that I had sensed two days before has now fully emerged. A bond has been established between U/us, LeatherDad and son, a foundation that W/we will build upon for years to come.

"May I call you 'Daddy Sir'?" he asks.

I receive the gift of his request. "Of course," I reply quietly, holding him firmly to Me. I feel him readjust his body to fit My own, his pecs filling the hollow between My chest and My navel. he strokes My abs and returns My embrace.

A Sir and His boy

I will be facilitating a discussion about the Sir/boy dynamic for Seattle Men in Leather's Tribal Instincts this Friday, February 19th, from 8 pm - 10 pm.

I believe the Sir/boy bond is foundational to everything we do in the post-modern Leather Tribe. Although the application of protocols may differ today, still, the dynamic has not changed much since I first came out in 1985.

I consider my boys an extension of myself. I expect people to treat them with the same respect they treat me. And if I learn that someone has either mistreated one of my boys or spoken disrespectfully to one of them, I become as defensive as a lion.

As a Sir, I NEVER tell my boys to be quiet or treat them as property, although I can use strict tactics as a disciplinarian. I especially like listening to what my alpha boy gabe has to say. I often use him as my counselor, my confidant. The depth of this trust is near sacred to me.

I invite you to attend Tribal Instincts on Friday to discuss what it means to train a boy. This more than anything else makes what we do different from the hetero and pan kink communities. It is the heart of our Tribe.

More than an elaborate masturbation

My Leather is more than an elaborate masturbation. It is the heart of who I am.

Recently I came face to face with my Buddhist spiritual practice and Leather. As I struggled to explain to my Zen teachers regarding the responsibilities I felt as a Sir relative to my boys, I felt compelled to walk away. After fifteen years in the sangha, I left.

I anticipated that leaving the sangha would also be a struggle but I found just the opposite. As I sit in mediation in the morning, I feel freed from the constraints of Zen. The idea that one sits in meditation to know oneself is wonderful. In Leather, we play to know ourselves. In play, the social masks are dropped. Too much energy to maintain them when play becomes heavy and all one can do is hold on to a thread of awareness to make it through the scene.

I am a Sir 24/7. My boys understand this. As they sit beside me in meditation, they know that I will continue to watch out for them. They do not drop their collars at he door of the Dharma Hall.

A boy once again

This weekend I am in Woodland Hills, Utah, a town built on a mountainside in the southern part of Utah County. An area quite different from my "center-of-the-universe" neighborhood in Seattle. I am here to visit my parents, still insistent on their independence in spite of failing health.

As my mother takes the wheel of their four-wheel drive and heads down the mountain at a snail's pace, I grip the edge of my seat. I appreciate her determination to show me that she is still very much in control. Her hands shaking on the wheel, she asks if "The Colonel" would do for dinner. KFC has a small all-you-can-eat buffet with a special senior discount. My parents love buffets!

Hours later, knowing that I must work out daily to maintain my sanity, I ask for the keys to the car. A long silence ensues. "Well," says my father plaintively. And suddenly I am placed in the position of boy again.

My parents seem to like the fact that at fifty-four, I am still their boy, the youngest of three sons. And I do not mind being placed in this position once again. Sir becomes boy.

Years ago as a young Leatherman, I learned how to be an obedient and respectful boy. In fact, I am certain that I am a better boy as an adult than I ever was as an adolescent. Respect, honesty, integrity. All lessons learned well.

Two decades ago at my first run, Mr. Guy Baldwin told me that Leather was built on these principles. At that time, I was still very angry at what I considered a harsh adolescence. My father and mother were strict disciplinarians, often to the point of abuse. They never spared the rod. Thus, I felt justified in my anger, still holding on to vestigial emotions in spite of years of therapy.

However, after training and hard play, I found that I no longer held on to this anger. I was able to let it go. And now I move freely back to my boy space to please my parents without any negative feelings.

I am a Leatherman. I am a Sir. And I have learned to be a respectful son.

If you meet the Buddha in the road, flog him!

As the Buddha lay down for the last time, he prepared for the end of his last cycle of life. Years before, his eyes had been opened upon seeing the morning star. He saw the true nature of all things. The sky is blue, the grass is green. The sun hides behind the clouds. The wind blows.

This heightened state, which actually is not a heightened state at all, is similar to what we discover often during play. Almost as if eyes were opened wider than they have ever been before we experience an arousal of all senses from their slumbering state. As if the blinders have been dropped from our eyes.

Yesterday, I surrendered myself to the clay once more. The question I held was suggested by my boy jay. "How does Leather meet Zen?"

In the late eighties and early nineties we often spoke about the state brought about by Leatherplay. Geoffrey Mains was perhaps one of the first to examine the topic in his seminal work, "Urban Aboriginals." Later, other authors embellished the topic, drawing on Leather to expound on their own spiritualities. New terms and the adoption of forms of Leatherplay into new communities.

While I find this all very interesting, I return to the spiritual tradition that I have practiced as long as I have been a Leatherman. In Zen, we know that one cannot try to reach enlightenment. The harder one tries, the more elusive it becomes. I would suggest that the desired state during play is very much the same. And, like Zen, I find this state to be a heightened awareness of my surroundings, as if I am experiencing my body for the very first time. It is not a feeling of being drugged or removed from one's surroundings. Rather, it is an arousal that one is very much part of things. As if one has felt his body for the very first time.

As I prepare myself to begin another Winter Kyol Che, I approach my Leather with new eyes and new questions. I look back on my Leather journey and ask myself how I arrived here. And, as I did last Winter, I turn back to the earth to help me answer my riddle. A true Virgo dirties his hands in clay.